At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
