Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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