Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
