She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
