god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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