Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
