I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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