Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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