I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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