I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
