He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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