She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
