is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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