look no pants
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
