Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
