3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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