There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
