We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
