I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
