I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize