i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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