I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
