the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
