I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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