i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
