dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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