we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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