oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
