I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize