They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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