Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
