she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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