the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
