There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
