For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
