It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
