I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Soap is not a condiment
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
