I am puke
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
