Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
