I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
