I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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