What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
