When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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