I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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