My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The air was thick with penises
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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