I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
