So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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