Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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