My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
