being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
