Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
