Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
