Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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