So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
