i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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