im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize