guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize