we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
