You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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