I cut my penus on the lid.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
