matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
