tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
