I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
be right there i have to get my cape
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
