I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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