I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
