i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize