We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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