He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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