I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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